Movie Maven: The Onion

Showing posts with label The Onion. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Lost Fans to Become even more annoying

Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

Count me in!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Woman Married To Fat, Emotionally Distant Vampire Escapes Into 'Twilight' Novels

Read all about it at the Onion! This poor housewife is stuck with a 834-year-old overweight vampire husband and finds solace in the novels of Stephenie Meyer.

"Edward is so romantic," said Pastor, referring to Edward Cullen, Twilight's vampire hero. "He loves [17-year-old protagonist] Bella so much that he runs away from her to protect her. My husband, on the other hand, hasn't posed any kind of danger to me in years."

"When we were first married, Andrei was so dark and mysterious," Pastor said wistfully. "These days, pretty much all he does is sit around swilling blood and watching ESPN."

Added Pastor, "Edward would never do that to Bella."

*snort*!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

How to Find a Masculine Halloween Costume for Your Effeminate Son

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Meryl Streep -- Where's the Masterpiece?

Popwatch led me to this hilarious mock editorial by Meryl Streep in The Onion.

...the name Meryl Streep isn’t really synonymous with one truly unforgettable film. It’s weird to think about, but it’s undeniably true. Go ahead, try and name a classic movie I’ve starred in. Not a classic character I’ve portrayed, mind you, but an overall amazing piece of cinema. You can’t. You just can’t.

Then she starts going through her movies, including those she's won awards for, and the really hilarious thing is that it's true. She is undeniably great, the movies, meh, not always great (and Julie & Julia is just the latest example.)

Kramer vs. Kramer: “Let’s be honest, Kramer Vs. Kramer isn’t really a masterpiece in the same way that, say, The French Connection or On The Waterfront is a masterpiece.”
Sophie’s Choice: “I looked at AFI’s top 100 movies list and Sophie’s Choice was No. 91, behind Forrest Gump and The Sixth Sense. And truthfully, all I could say was, ‘That’s about right.’ “
The Deer Hunter: “[H]ow long was I in the The Deer Hunter? Three, maybe four minutes? Truthfully, I don’t really remember being in the The Deer Hunter at all.

Oh, and for those of you who want to say The Devil Wears Prada? Please. I don't need your charity.

So here we are. I'm 60 years old without a One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest or Bonnie And Clyde to my name. Meryl Streep: "Great actress, okay movies."
And by the way, The Manchurian Candidate is not a classic. Well, at least not the one I was in.

Read the whole great article here.