Russell Brand and what NOT to say

I've been warned when I'm presenting there are two things I am never allowed to say. One - cunt. And two - Scientology. There is one sentence that could join both of those words but I'm going to try and not say it. I have a problem when people tell me not to do something. When I was going to meet the Queen the protocol people told me how to bow, not to curtsy, not to speak until I was spoken to. But all I could think of was, 'Grab her tit'!"

- Russell Brand, on hosting the MTV VMAs next month