G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Mini-Revew

I never caught G.I. Joe in theaters, and just watched it from Netflix last night.  It got such awful reviews, it almost rises above my very limited expectations.  I had heard from two moms who took their boys that they enjoyed the eye candy.  Yes, that was the main attaction for me - a shirtless Channing Tatum in my favorite scene.

I also was interested in seeing the two villains in the movie:  Christopher Eccleston as McCullum the weapons manufacturer, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as his evil scientist.  Both twirled their virtual mustaches sufficiently, and it was very fun to see Eccleston, who I loved as Doctor Who, play evil.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt is covered by a Darth Vader like mask for much of the movie, but there is a flashback where he looks as young and innocent as he does in 500 Days of Summer.  It was fun seeing both actors chew the scenery in this film, and they are set up to be in any sequels as well.

G.I. Joe was directed and produced by Stephen Sommers who directed the first two Mummy films.  In fact, Arnold Vosloo who played the Mummy has a small role as one of the bad guys, and Brendan Frasier has an uncredited cameo as a fight instructor.  G.I. Joe is non-stop, and I do mean non-stop, action.  There is never a moment for the characters to breathe, and have a little character development, much less a plot point where something doesn't explode.  I loved the first Mummy film, and it had a few quiet moments, plus some belly laughs.  These G.I. Joes led by a stern General Dennis Quaid are all business.  For the video game generation, all action all the time is probably all good.  They didn't come to watch Pride and Prejudice, after all.

I never saw the G.I. Joe cartoon in the 80's, so I had no clue about any of the characters and their backstories.  We get a few flashback scenes, which I suppose explain why there are silent ninjas on the G.I. Joe team.

What this movie delivers is action sequences that look very cool.  It's set in the near future, and the secret hideouts are in the Egyptian desert and under the polar ice cap.  The chase scene through the streets of Paris has some of the Joes in futuristic super suits that allow them to run at 100 mph and leap over cars.  And did I mention that things blow up real good?  Lots of things?

I didn't realize until the credits that The Baroness, one of the chief baddies, is played by Sienna Miller.  Of course she also has a backstory with Channing Tatum's Duke.  I really had a bad impression of her because of all her tabloid real life, and was pleasantly surprised at how well she did here.  She was a bad ass fighting machine in the beginning and then had a few tender scenes with Duke later on.

I give G.I. Joe only 2 stars.  I kept thinking about how great Star Trek was, with small scenes that revealed and introduced characters, and how bad G.I. Joe was, barely attempting to do the same thing between explosions.  The plot doesn't make much sense, but you do see Channing Tatum shirtless for a nice long scene.  It was worth my rental for that, and to see Christopher Eccleston and Joseph Gordon-Levitt play baddies.